How to burn bridges when quitting

November 21 2013

We don’t endorse scorched earth policies when you leave your job, but we do understand the joy in watching others go out with aplomb. Please note that word “aplomb” is different than “a bomb”. There are many checklists to reference when planing to quit your job, guidelines to help you avoid making enemies while going graceful into the sunset. But checking boxes is different than using common sense. When US News wrote, “notify your boss in person”, they meant you should inform him or her in a delicate and private manner, not with a viral video on the Internet. The Classy Woman blogspot suggests to “Exit Gracefully”, so announcements over microphones pretty much negate grace. Monster adds that above all, you should keep your cool in a heated situation, but they say nothing about bringing your own matches and lighting a fire underneath the boss’s seat.

Let’s take a moment to review our top five favorite exits, while reminding ourselves that these ex-workers are still looking for another job.

  1. Dance Your Way Out – Marina Shifrin worked for a Taiwanese animation company and quit her job to dance as a pole dancer (not really). Without irony, Shifrin told the Huffington Post “I’m fed up with constant shift in duty changes.”
  2. Douche Your Way Out – Because your life soundtrack sounds like violins and teardrops, it’s best to give your coworkers a feeling that there will be a hit movie made about you after you leave.
  3. Announce it to the World – The greatest part about quitting is watching your boss wipe his brow in anguish, wishing his lowly workers would behave themselves when checking out for the last time. Oh yeah, don’t forget to have your friend film the whole thing. Wait for it.
  4. The Friendly Farewell – Because entertaining your coworkers is the whole reason to make a scene on your way out, make sure to loop your boss in on the whole escapade. That’s quitting your job by the rules.
  5. Hire a Marching Band – Quitting your job with a raucous parade out the door is silver, but having a job waiting for you once your on the outside is gold.

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